if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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