i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
