i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
