my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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