me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
