who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
