You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
