I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
