A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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