i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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