My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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