Just fell off a train. Bad.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
