He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
