Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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