Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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