Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
