As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
