Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
