FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
