you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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