And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
