I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
