i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I pour the whiskey from now on
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
