I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
