Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
