I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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