My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
