Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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