I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
In other news, I just burned my penis
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
