i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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