I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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