I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
