HIV tests are more positive than that guy
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
what the fuck happened to the tacos
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
