No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
