I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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