this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Randomize
