Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
