ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
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