seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
