So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
