I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
That accounts for only three of the penises
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
