i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
