I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
