Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
