so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
