im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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