i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
