you would pick up someone in the library
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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