you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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