i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
